Be all.

It is days of rest that I feel most inspired to write. Once again I feel a little like a housewife. Fresh tea, books read, a desire to cook a wholesome meal, classical music, quieted soul. Joy. Rest. Perhaps in my mind I associate rest with the duties of caring for a home and whatever other living things that happen to wander across the wooden threshold of my (fingers crossed) mountain home. I know that somewhere out there a housewife is screaming..."rest ? You associate rest with the art of housewifery ?!" I know there will be many hectic days, but if I can at least have a few like these... What a blessing that would be! Oh the things that I dream of.... If The Lord wills, that is. It was a year ago that I began to write freely and fully;  an expression of bravery, a gift driven out of the very tree on which Love died for me.  For this, I want nothing less than Christ. If the Lord wills... I pray this over my life. Spirit knows full well and joins in prayer where words cannot hold enough power. Heart, listen to wisdom. Mind, be quieted as Spirit speaks to Heart and causes peace to resound in symphony. Feet, dance about in rejoice- song of light-hearted assurance. Father God, I invite you into rhythm with this life that you have gifted to me. How could I not invite you into your very own creation? Be welcome. Be full. Be all. 

Speechlessly hopeful.

My fingers throb of a new song of praise pressed into wire strings. My dusted off guitar sings again that shallow hum of rhythm that soothes soul. What is it about hollow wood and wire that makes such…. romance? …. Yes. That must be the right word. Would anyone dare deny it? I try desperately to remove words from my mind and form sentences, but there really aren’t any words to describe what I feel. I sit in a room taken over by chaos, life scattered over every surface; the epitome of time slipping away and sleep deprivation taking it’s toll; eyes growing heavy. So I sit in this room and all I can think of is the smile that has been plastered to my face, the number of times that I have laughed in the only the past few min, the fact that my stomach ties itself in knots an forgets to remind me to eat until I have been overcome with hunger…. Why these feelings, you may ask? Well… if you are who I think you are, whoever you are, whenever you are… you won’t have to ask. You will already know. Most times I write to express a thought that I don’t think anyone would understand, but this time… I know you understand, whoever you are. And I don’t even have to use words. Speechlessly hopeful.

"For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words." Romans 8:24-26

Overdue Joy

I wrote this about....3 months ago.This joy that I share is overdue. Regardless, my heart has not changed.  Here is a little synopsis of my Kenyan journey :)

When I left for Kenya I had no idea what to expect. All I knew is that I had one month to mentally, physically, and spiritually prepare for an adventure to the other side of the world with a girl that I barely knew better than a name. I thought to myself,” Go big or go home.” I knew I had to go. I knew God would provide the funds, and I knew that meant leaving behind my ministry at New Covenant for almost an entire summer. That last part was the most difficult. Leaving behind my Asylum kids? That seemed unbearable. Glenn felt the same way. But Like I said, I knew I had to go. I didn’t know why. But I went .

So here I am on the other side of my adventure with a girl who I now know WAY better than just a name! In case you were wondering, her name is Alexi. And yes, we became best friends almost instantly. I keep trying to decide if we are better friends or teammates, but then I just give up and settle for a tie because we are so awesome at both, if I do say so myself.

As I sit here and try to figure out what story would be best to share with you all, I just can’t stop thinking about Alexi and how much her partnership meant to me. It was truly a God-ordained partnership. I know that you all want to hear about the Lions that we saw on safari and how beautiful the red clay was as it backed up to the swaying green coconut trees and bright blue sky. And let me just say, we certainly had a true African experience out there between the crammed bus rides, giant spiders that wanted to share the bedroom with us, showering in little coconut huts, and desperately trying to learn Swahili so that we could buy vegetables from the market… but isn’t it the relationships that matter most? If you want to know more what Africa is like, Google would be a great place for that… or you can ask me later. But if you want to know my heart and what really happened in Kenya, that is the story that you just heard.

Being thrown into another culture alone is scary, but with your best friend…no big deal! Let’s do this! The people over there are so enthusiastic about their faith and worshiping the Living God whom they know has saved them. God reveals Himself so much to the people in Kenya through healing of sickness. We saw that over and over again. Alexi and I thought it was a little ironic that God would reveal Himself to us through healing also. When we left America, we were both sick as dogs. A friend reminded me that it would be a great opportunity for us to heal together. So we healed physically from our sickness, but God wasn’t finished there. You know how God is. He wants the heart. He wants to redeem. And He did. He led us to in partnership to deal with insecurities, questions about faith and questions about life. Not only did God work in us, but He worked through us. Because you know, God loves to work through the broken. And aren’t we all broken?

We saw the hope of Bryson’s ministry restored. We saw women who seemed so closed and reserved open up to us and weep upon our departure. We saw teachers over-joyed by simply our presence. These are only the things that we saw. Who knows what else God did in their lives. We planted seeds out of our brokenness, through the grace of God, and into their brokenness. And on top of it all, I got to do this all with a girl that God had set aside to be one of my best friends. Isn’t it great that God has greater plans for us than our own plans for ourselves? I think so.

Because of faith,

"Thankful"

Unreal.

I sit in turmoil over how to start this new post. Do I comment on the blue-tinted, white pillows on the horizon, the quiet rush of the dishwasher, the hum of the air conditioning…? My eyes wander through the home that I am visiting. Their children are asleep. A few last drops of sun make their way into the room and then dance with the moonlight till dark wins over. There is such peace here, and peace is such the cure for weeks without writing or solitude or quiet. Finding joy in a life that is always just on the edge of stress has its cons. At least it makes these moments of solitude more noteworthy.

As I rest here I remember that in 10 days* from now I will be on a plane to Atlanta,GA, followed by a plane to Amsterdam, then to Nairobi followed yet another flight over to Mombassa, Kenya where I will be living for 7 weeks. It seems unreal. The closer I get to leaving the more flaws I seem to find in myself, in my walk with Christ, in my attitude. Spiritual warfare, nerves, whatever you decide to call it, would you dare to say that perhaps that is exactly how it should be? I do. It’s a reminder that this venture that I set out on is a victory not won by me, but by God. An adventure planned and protected, set apart and blessed by God. He has gone before me. Whom shall I fear?

It wasn’t till my orthodontist and his assistant stopped and prayed for me in the middle of my appointment that I really began to feel peace and protection about this trip. How crazy is that?! Glory to God. He had that planned so well. So well that it all took place because I accidentally showed up to my appointment two days early. If I had been on time, those prayers may never have been laid over me. Anyway, What I am most trying to say is that God clearly uses people with issues to carry out His will. There is not one perfect man in the Bible other than Jesus. So often I have felt that I needed to be like Jesus when rather I needed to be more like his followers: Embracing of my mistakes and trials and struggles so that I can better embrace the grace and truth of God.  I am not perfect, never will be.  But because of the Spirit within me that is filled with all strength and love and truth of God, I choose to  join God in what I see Him doing in my life: a path paved to Kenya. Am I still scared? Yes, but I am going anyway; out on a limb knowing that God has me. This is courage.

Ephesians 3: 19 “ and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.”

If you seek fulfillment, find it here in the “fullness of God”! None else will do. Nothing but the blood of Jesus.

*When I wrote this, I had 10 days to go. Now I only have 2.

Time

Many things come to mind as I choose to write tonight. I realize that all my thoughts boil down to one thing: Time. What is time? How do we properly use it for the glory of God?
I forget that I am in college sometimes. My friend turns 21 in a week. I am a year "behind" from getting my bachelors. Does it matter? I want to just run off with my passion for Christ and start doing... SOMETHING! I am not passionate about school. I am passionate about the revival that so desperately needs to take place in this world. Why have Christians become less like the lion that their Father is for the sake of comfort? Can you not look beyond the fight for a paycheck or, for those who are with plenty, the shine of your belongings? Wake up! There is power in the name of Jesus! We are called to be radical! Have you not read the scriptures? How can we not be dancing because of the grace that God has poured over us? How are we silent when he is enabled us as warriors for His kingdom? We are more than conquerors in Christ Jesus. Passion does not fade with age. It fades by choice. Run after the Father. Leave all else behind. Leave all idols of heart and run. Get in the Word! Why would you not? How could you not? It is time to rise up and live according to the God whom you profess is King! So what is time? NOW is time to move and be silent no more. Glory to God for His love.
I am going to be really bold with the scripture that I post. Know that I am not pointing fingers, for I am not free of fault in any of these ways.

"But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people."
(2 Timothy 3:1-5 ESV)


"But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work."
(2 Timothy 3:14-17 ESV)

Solitude

There is solitude this afternoon, just like I prayed for last night. i Love when God makes Himself known even in those little ways.  The television has been silenced. The windows are open and I can hear the thin palm leaves rustling against one another. The wind chimes add their light 'cling-clang' and the birds join in song. A rejoice symphony of sun. I am peeling and slicing apples to make fresh apple butter, the organic mist scenting my clothes as I slice. The kettle has just whistled with furry and I pour myself some fresh mint and cacao tea; loose-leaf, of course. :)
If only my surroundings would sing the same song. Instead of being in the rush of a city, my home would be down some dirt road on a countryside where GPS devices start getting all screwy and there would be a man to call 'warrior' somewhere in the mix. So here I am, dreaming. Again. How is it that this thought and hope of love is seemingly tangible and yet so far away? It taunts me. Haunts me. Is it just the nature of women, or is it rooted in the desire that God has placed within me to raise a family fearless to proclaim the gospel of Christ: a missionary family? Does this happen to you too, whoever you are? Will it ever meet up to our dreams, or are they misleading? I wish that I knew, but instead I am left to trust God... But where else would I want to be? :)

" Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in hell, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me." -Psalm 139:7-10
-Blessed :)

A Snack For Our Trip

 So this is how it is gonna go down: I started writing somewhat of a story a few months back. It is really just a compilation of thoughts around a similar subject. The foundation is built upon the bittersweetness of love and how gruesome it can be from both an emotional and spiritual standpoint as well as the differences between what the world says, and what Christ says. Today I want to post part of it. Later on I may post a little more. :) This writing has sprung out of a new courage that Christ has equipped me with in this fresh season of my life and has brought ponderings to my mind. My hope to to hear the thoughts of others and we can explore together. So,  here is a little to chew on!... a snack for our trip ;-)

The Introduction: A Gruesome Beauty
~ Love does unspeakable things to one’s heart. Some things filled with beauty and others that cause us to question the very essence of it; curse it almost, despise it. Love is something that seeps into the crevices of brokenness and other dark places within and mends them. Sometimes only for a season, leaving those gaps either healed or re-exposed, perhaps even larger than their gruesome beginning. For love is a gruesome beauty. ~